I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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