$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
