I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
