if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
