The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
