Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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