don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize