HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
