just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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