dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize