i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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