You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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