I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
