I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
