yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize