i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
