Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
