If i come over, it means nothing
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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