if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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