dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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