So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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