I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
