I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize