sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
