Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
