apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
