I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
