My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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