The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
