It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
