this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
