six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
