i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
