Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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