Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
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