his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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