so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
