i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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