She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
