I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
