small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
