I need to stop coming to work sober
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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