I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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