just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
