his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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