If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Congratulations! We have a period
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