if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
