Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
