I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
