the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
