She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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