I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
