They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
