You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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