The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
