The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
