Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need water and some morals
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
