we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
