Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
