I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
