...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
