it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
