how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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