Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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