I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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