My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
youre lurking in front of me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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