So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just crazy horny about you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
