Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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