saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize