you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
