I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
