saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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