Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
