I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
