I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
