I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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