Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
