He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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