Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
