I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
