I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize