I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
