I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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