every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
