Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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