the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So. Much. Porn.
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