theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
