I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
