Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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