worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize