I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
