I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
