Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
