he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize