Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
