yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
