just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize