Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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