You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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