I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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