I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
