we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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