can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
