I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
