An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
