i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
