Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
