I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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